People says blogging a.k.a writing is the best way to kill the stress rather than go to the therapist which it only can make your wallet go thinner and it does not guarantee that you 'll be free from stress after the session end plus by blogging you can assure that you really let it go which mean you can say or type what ever you want to without any hesitation.So.....here we go........
My current job is killing me, when i said "killing me" I mean emotionally and mentally, I woke up every morning with laziness and try to think 1001 excuses why i shouldn't go to the office that day, the proud moment is when I still managed to arrived in the office punctually without fail..... the excitement just wasn't there anymore, was thinking to find a new job though or travelling somewhere for a couple of month and think what are the thing that i really wants to do at this age .........
End of part I
I haven''t contact my family since my last visit in April/May this year, the reason is i felt like i am not really important to them when couple of events occurred which reflect to the statement that i just made, am I too sensitive ? I guess ...
Raised by a single parent (my mum) and without dad it's kinda reflecting my personality and shaping what a person I am today, it's so sad to think that people may look at me as a independent and strong from the outside but my inner soul is very fragile and broken?I'm not sure if "broken" is the right word but at this very moment its the only word that i can think of to describe how i feel, ( I bet I couldn't say that to the therapist...) relations with my family members not that close as the structure of the of the family hierarchy it-self was totally not as what it should be when I'm growing up, for an instant my 2nd brother is acting like a father (the grumpy one) instead of just being a brother and it resulting me keep a distance from him when i'm grow older...
I hate my dad for no reasons, and I just realized it today in the metro on my way back from work and it's too late now as he passed away 10 years ago... I have to admit that he stopped visiting me as I grow up , left me without a father who i can look up too and to protect me me when i was bullied by other kids who is bigger than me...but that give me no excuses to hate at him.......
End of part II
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Saturday, July 5, 2014
current update
Wow !! it has been quite sometime since the last time i wrote in this blog...huge amount of events had happened to me when I'm not around (blogging) such as, i did an Europe trip with one of my childhood friends which ended up we are currently not talking to each other...Yup!! travelling with a companion is always challenging especially when you have a different perspective on the sexual trip kind of thing, you know what i mean..i'm gay and his not hence the challenges is always there.. and B. I'm currently dating a guy!!! can you believe it!!? met in GRINDR (yup!! i registered my self on the apps, not bad though...) he's from South Africa, my type (physically..chubby) he's very quite and other then car nothing interest him so basically out normal conversation when we go out.................well you can guess what...
he's into water sport ( not kayaking nor speed boat. if you guess surf boarding or jet skiing go back to the first paragraph 2nd last sentence ....to make your life easier Google it if you not familiar with the terms) and feasting which is totally new for a vanilla boy like me!! ( i still haven't try both thing when this entry was written) the good thing is he's still compromising with me in his way of sexual life but somehow, somewhere, someday I still need to try it (that's what he told me) quite in dilemma, he's not really kind of guy I would date or having a relation with it was at first more into "let's try" kind of thing
1. Because I'm in Dubai and to find a date here is horrible
2. at that time it has been a looooooooooooooooooong time since my last sex
and C. let put this way, im desperate and lonely ( auwww poor me)
so yeah!! after 2 months we still going out and I still go to his place just to get what most people called it as a "guilty pleasure" moment !!! ohhhh did i tell you guys he's not is really into kissing!!!? (do the math!!)
he's into water sport ( not kayaking nor speed boat. if you guess surf boarding or jet skiing go back to the first paragraph 2nd last sentence ....to make your life easier Google it if you not familiar with the terms) and feasting which is totally new for a vanilla boy like me!! ( i still haven't try both thing when this entry was written) the good thing is he's still compromising with me in his way of sexual life but somehow, somewhere, someday I still need to try it (that's what he told me) quite in dilemma, he's not really kind of guy I would date or having a relation with it was at first more into "let's try" kind of thing
1. Because I'm in Dubai and to find a date here is horrible
2. at that time it has been a looooooooooooooooooong time since my last sex
and C. let put this way, im desperate and lonely ( auwww poor me)
so yeah!! after 2 months we still going out and I still go to his place just to get what most people called it as a "guilty pleasure" moment !!! ohhhh did i tell you guys he's not is really into kissing!!!? (do the math!!)
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